


fools in love

by kontj (kaguol)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other, hinata shoyo has realizations, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27751321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaguol/pseuds/kontj
Summary: It’s difficult to be in love - especially when it’s with someone you’ve had in your life for so long that you’ve never imagined it without him. To top it all off, it’s hard when the fool you’re in love with, is a little bit too dense to realize he may be in love with you too.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Reader, Hinata Shouyou/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 62





	1. f is for friends

Hinata was in an oven, and in a few minutes, he was going to be baked alive.

It could be an exaggeration, but the weather forecast the night before hadn’t lied – it was going to be the hottest day of the year. Too hot to even play volleyball.

So instead, he laid down in the shade of their backyard, where the wind was barely a whisper as the cicadas sang their demented song.

“So this is what it feels to die,” the orange-haired boy muttered, as a shadow walked towards him.

“Oi, Shoyo.”

He cracked an eye open, before moaning in complaint. “[Name]-chaaaaan,” he wailed.

“Come inside, dummy,” you muttered, pulling him by his sweaty arm.

“But it’s so hot insiiiide.”

You shook your head with a soft smile as you let go. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to finish all that watermelon by myself.”

Hinata’s ears perked up and he immediately sat up. “Did you say watermelon?”

You nodded; with all the seriousness your middle school face could muster. Hinata found the face you were making to be absolutely adorable – generally speaking of course. You just had  _ generally _ nice features.

“It would be a shame if they were going to go to waste… I did cut them up into wedges and leave them in the fridge last night.”

The orange-haired boy wailed, making puppy dog eyes at you. “Aw come on, you got to share it with me! I’m your favorite!”

You couldn’t keep the smile from blooming on your face as the two of you raced towards the house, playfully shoving and squealing, already beginning to forget about the blasted summer heat, now that you were around each other.


	2. out of the shadows

The walk home from the tournament was quiet, after all what were you going to say that wasn’t a lie?

You couldn’t help but chew your lip, needing to do something in the tense atmosphere. You stole a glance at Hinata, his knuckles turning pale as he gripped his duffel bag, lost in his own train of thought.

Before the two of you could cross the street, you decided to take a little detour – to help cool things off a bit.

“Where are you taking me?” He asked, his voice strained.

“Ssshh, just follow me,” you shot back, a soft smile on your face as you tugged him by the wrist.

The two of you stopped by a convenience store for snacks, before continuing your quest. You noticed that this time, Hinata was a bit more relaxed, though there was a bit of sadness under all that.

After you passed the ramen shop next to the hairdresser, the two of you ducked under a hole of a wired fence, and finally the two of you came by an abandoned basketball court.

The basketball rings were rusty and lopsided, and there were graffiti all on the concrete floor. Now that you were with someone else, the little spot didn’t seem as special as you thought it would.

“I mean, it’s not a lot, but sometimes, when I feel overwhelmed with school or I just need a break, I come out here… It’s quiet enough that you can hear yourself think, you know?”

You couldn’t bear with the silence, nor meet the eye of the boy you were supposed to be cheering up.

“I just thought that, you know – you’d, I don’t know, like to –”

“[Name].”

You finally looked up, seeing your Hinata with a grin across his face. The grin you’d do anything to get back.

“It’s perfect.”

The two of you then spent the rest of the afternoon tossing a volleyball back and forth, Hinata finally voicing out his thoughts – usually accompanied with screams and oaths to defeat the so-called King.


	3. lunch buddies

It wasn’t common for Hinata to forget his lunch – it was basically an every-other-day occurrence. Since the boy had a habit of not eating the right food, you made it your duty to basically bring along another lunchbox.

Since he was made a regular on the volleyball club, Hinata would often skip lunch altogether, preferring to use the empty gym to practice his receives, or to just bounce the ball off the wall. Or instead of practicing, he would be up chattering a storm with Kageyama, bouncing off ideas for plays or plainly just annoying each other.

But today, you were having none of it. You excused yourself as you entered their classroom, already bringing two of your lunchboxes. You saw that neither dumb nor dumber was in the room, and quickly proceeded to the gym where – to no one’s surprise, the two were practicing their special quick.

“Oi!”

The two visibly jumped out of their skin at your voice, Hinata quickly regaining his balance and striding towards you. “[Name]-chan! What brings you here?”

“It’s lunchtime.”

“We know…?”

“Well, did you eat lunch yet?”

The middle blocker began to make an excuse, but the audible grumble of his stomach drowned out whatever he was saying. The raven-haired setter, who snorted at him, was no exception, for his own stomach began to complain as well.

You sighed, yet a smirk betrayed your fondness for the two. You set both lunchboxes into their hands, and walked away after another snide remark.

“Never knew [Last Name] had a soft spot for you, dumbass.”

“Shut up and enjoy your food, Kageyama.”


	4. silence echoes louder

The clock chimed, indicating the start of lunch break. Hinata stretched, allowing himself a few moments to collect himself before he and Kageyama would go to Yachi’s classroom to recap the study material. The exams were a few days away, and he had gotten used to the routine of spending his breaks with the volleyball team – but this time something felt off.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that instead of volleyball, they were talking about their studies.

The fiery haired boy yawned and fell into step with the said setter as they made their way past your classroom.

“Hey, hey, [Name]-chan let’s get curry bread~!”

You tore your eyes away from the doorway, focusing on the voice of your classmates and letting them drag you to the cafeteria. From an outsider’s perspective there was nothing amiss. Instead there would be progress.

Hinata was showing interest in his studies, and you were making friends with people in your class. It was just an ordinary high school experience.

But you heard the distance between the two of you more than you felt it. It rang in your ears as you passed by the convenience store that the volleyball coach worked at, and where they would gather after practice. It was an awful melody that accompanied the single set of footsteps as you went home every afternoon.

It was deafening.

You shook your head, forcing the bitter taste of your emotions down your throat. Of course, you were happy for the idiot. He finally found what he was looking for – a team of players that would serve as both his rivals and his family. You were so proud of your Shoyo, at how he’s practically shining; a drop of sun in the world of darkness.

You took in a deep breath and realized that you were standing in the aisles of the very convenience store that had occupied your thoughts. Since you finished classes early, there were only a few people milling around.

Letting out a sigh, you picked out the sweetest snacks you could find and stuffed them in your basket, muttering curses underneath your breath, unknowingly scaring the old patron browsing the aisle behind you.

“I can’t take this anymore! My brain is fried…”

Hinata’s complaints were muffled as he buried his face into his notebooks, earning sympathetic looks from his study partners.

“Well, why don’t we take a break then?” Yachi suggested, earning collective nods from the others. The three of them were at Coach Ukai’s convenience store, going over topics and taking practice tests for the upcoming exams. Though Hinata was doing well – probably the most studying he’d done in his entire life – he couldn’t shake the feeling of foreboding. As though he was forgetting something important yet he couldn’t seem to place.

“ _ Boke _ , you’re drooling over your notes,” Kageyama jabbed, seeing the state the poor boy was in. Yet Hinata wasn’t even responding to his insults, his head fuzzy from the constant act of… well, thinking.

“Say, Hinata, you’ve been out of it lately,” Yachi commented, waving her fingers in front of the middle blocker. “I bet it has something to do with [Name]-san.” Yamaguchi’s tone was nonchalant, yet there was something underneath it that made Hinata’s chest tight.

“What do you mean?”

The green haired boy met his eyes and shrugged. “Nothing. Just that you two seemed really close.”

Hinata racked his brain for anything that he might’ve done. But nothing came to mind. Sure, the two of you haven’t been hanging out as much lately. He spent most of his free time with the volleyball club, may it be with practice or with the exams.

“I guess [Name]’s just busy – but so have I!” He called out, yet the words tasted like a lie on his lips. He shook his head and went back to his notes, missing the way Yamaguchi and Yachi shared a knowing look.

The boy sighed, shaking his head at how dense the boy was, sending a prayer out to the poor soul who had confided in him about the frustrations of having a crush on said flying dumbass.


	5. i guess you're awake too

The world was quiet.

Some time ago you had given up on studying and opted for a short nap. Now, your brain had decided to wake you up with every single thought you had repressed. So here you were, on the roof of your house, staring up into the inky sky.

You pretended that each glowing dot in the sky was a thought, and the constellations they formed were answers to keep the darkness at bay. It worked for the most part, but the pinprick stars were nothing compared to your sun – which seemed to be both the cause of your happiness and distress.

You let out a huff, remembering the conversation you had with Yamaguchi a while ago that led you to your own realization of your feelings.

Deep down, you already knew you yearned for something more with the orange haired ball of energy that had the name Hinata Shoyo. You had known for a long time – but had refused to even think about it for fear of ruining your friendship.

Now here you were, with the lack of Hinata as both a lover and a friend. Your mind went back to the times where it had been you to throw a volleyball up in the air for him to spike. To when he’d wail and moan about his grades.

The image of the two of you felt so far away now, and this time, you couldn’t help but let the tears escape.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket, and you answered without missing a beat, a natural reaction from years of experience.

“Oh [Name]! I didn’t expect you to be up…”

You let out a laugh, the sound of his voice filling you with relief. It felt like you had been kept underwater, and this single phone call pulled you up, and your lungs were burning for him.

“ _ You _ called  _ me _ , Shoyo.”

He chuckled, scratching the back of his head as he took in your laugh. “Yeah… sorry about that.”

Brushing him off, you asked him for the reason of his call in a telephone operated voice, earning a melodious laugh from him that sent your heart soaring.

“I couldn’t sleep… and when I tried to study… I couldn’t get it either. I figured if you were up, you’d help me out?”

It wasn’t a lie on Hinata’s part. He was technically studying before he called, but his mind kept drifting to you that he unconsciously reached out for his phone and speed-dialed you.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s late, I probably should hang up –”

“Nah, I couldn’t sleep either,” you countered, a little breathless, as you sat up. The action was probably dangerous, seeing that you were a good ways above ground, but it didn’t matter because it was  _ Shoyo _ .

“Let me guess, you’re on the roof again, aren’t you?” You could hear the smile in his voice and couldn’t fight down yours.

“And if I am would you tell me to get down?”

“I would, but you won’t listen.”

You both laughed at that, though you did make your way back inside for good measure. The conversation then made its way to familiar waters, as if the two of you hadn’t missed a single day of talking.

But as the rays of sun began to creep into the sky and Hinata’s energetic voice was replaced by soft snores, you let out a soft chuckle, your voice no more than a whisper as you admitted your feelings for the sunshine fool.


	6. not what i had in mind

This was not how you imagined your weekend to go.

Right after the (remedial) exams, Hinata left for a training camp with the volleyball club. He hadn’t been talkative for the most part about it, seeing as he and Kageyama left the school grounds in a van that went faster than it was supposed to.

So, you hadn’t thought much about it when you were tasked to be your brother’s chaperone for a trip with his friends in Tokyo. He had been against it, spending most of the time pouting and lecturing you on what not to do with his friends.

Of course, you heard his concerns about embarrassing him, but his words came in one ear and out the other. It wasn’t as if you were the only chaperone there – most of the parents were going as well. With that, you had spent the first day trailing behind the energetic pre-teens as you explored the streets of Tokyo.

Keeping them out of trouble was tiring enough, for the little brats were almost always in motion. You expected this much energy of course.

What you didn’t expect was that they were deliberately planning on shaking you off their tail that you ended up alone in the middle of Shibuya 109. It didn’t help that it was the weekend, and place was steadily picking up.

You picked up your phone and dialed one of the parents’ numbers, sending a prayer to the gods that at the very least the little demons made their way to the group as you tried to retrace your steps.

As the call went to voicemail, you left a message telling them to go ahead and that you would meet up with them at the hotel. And in a cruel twist of fate, your phone sang its final chirp before shutting down, the battery exhausted by a day of photographs and GPS.

So here you were, alone in the middle of the bustling Shibuya shopping district, with more than enough pocket money for a train ride (and two snacks if you’re lucky), but no idea which train to take.

Taking a deep breath, you slapped your hands on your cheeks, shaking the negativity that was slowly eating at your mind. This was okay. You could explore the district on your own, get a meal somewhere, and find directions to the hotel.

So off you went, clutching your belongings close and letting your feet guide the way.

For some reason, you found yourself in front of a store dedicated to volleyball merchandise. Jerseys of professional teams lined the walls encased in gold frames, gear lined the shelves, and there were even goggles that you figured were for those who needed glasses.

You continued to browse the aisles and found a small keychain at the clearance rack. A soft smile graced your face as you examined it: a plump tangerine with two tiny dots for eyes and a ginormous grin. There was a dent near the chain, but you didn’t mind. As you pulled it from the tray of knickknacks, you found it entangled with a crow – as plump as the tangerine, and with a cute frown instead of a smile.

Checking your wallet, you decided to purchase both. In the miracle that you found your way home, it would be a nice souvenir to remember the trip.

As you turned to the exit, a voice stopped you in your tracks.

“[Name]-chan?!”

You turned around and found the members of the Karasuno Volleyball Club staring at you, and your little sunshine boy pointing at you, his face painted in shock and confusion.

Everything happened so fast, but you felt the air knocked out of you as Hinata bounded towards you and enveloped you in a hug – you couldn’t help the tears springing from your eyes as you buried your face in the crook of his neck.

“What are you doing here?”

You pulled away, careful to blink away the redness in your eyes as you explained your situation to him and the group, who in turn agreed to walk you to the station. It was their second day in Tokyo, and since Hinata and Kageyama were late to arrive, they figured they would take them around the city (as if being a day early warranted them to be tour guides).

“Maan, that training was brutal!”

“The very first day, and they really kicked your ass huh?”

Hinata pouted, as the two of you waited outside while the others waited for their Takoyaki. You poked his cheeks, throwing your head back and laughing.

The sun had begun to set, and the lights overhead were still slowly flickering on – but in that moment, Hinata saw you in a different light. It was as if the world had spun faster without him knowing and now, he finally, finally, had the chance to actually  _ look _ at you.

It felt as though time had slowed for everyone but him, as he took in the way you wiped a stray tear and ran a hand through your hair.

“What’s wrong Shoyo?”

He couldn’t fight the blush on his cheeks, as he looked away and began stammering about getting more food.

You watched him stomp back to his team, and you chuckled lightly, silently thanking the little brats for the opportunity.

Of course, that gratitude didn’t last long as you began to chew out your brother the moment you arrived at the hotel – who in turn, spent the entire lecture clinging to your sleeves with tears and snot running down his poor face.


	7. look over here, pretty boy

The atmosphere in the volleyball court was tense, as the team stood in a circle, mouths agape.

It was just after they had won the match against Shiratorizawa – a fact that had sent the whole school into shock and pride. The fallen crows of Karasuno were no more, but were of new blood that were determined to fly high.

This had caused a surge of attention to the volleyball players, from peers in their campus, to the people who would recognize their signature black outerwear. More students would drop by the gym to watch them practice, and there were more hellos exchanged in the halls.

But the moment the volleyball club truly felt the weight of their popularity was when the school paper told them that they were doing exclusive coverage on their club.

This is where we left off. The editor in chief had just dropped the news on them and bounded off out of sight, oblivious to the fact that the club was definitely not prepared for it.

And so, the rest of practice was spent with more vigor than usual; Kageyama and Hinata seemed to be more in sync with each other, the second and third years unconsciously fanning the flame of friendly rivalry. Even Tsukishima seemed to perk up at the news, a feat that did not go unnoticed by Yamaguchi.

“Shouldn’t we tell them the school paper comes tomorrow…?”

Coach Ukai clapped Takeda with a grin. “Let them be. Whatever energy left would be multiplied three times by the time we practice tomorrow.”

The poor adviser conceded, though it was replaced with a proud glint in his eye.

__

“Mina-chan! Swap places with me~!”

“Ehh? Why should I, Chief? You’re covering the volleyball club tomorrow, aren’t you?”

The editor in chief nodded, but her cheery demeanor was gone, replaced with a fearful and sinister tone. “Why would you want to switch?”

The poor girl lay her head on the desk, her words muffled by her loud sobs.

“They’re scary…”

You entered the class room then, but had already heard the wails of your club president from the hallway. “Sai-san’s done with the interviews, Chief, you just need some photos! You can do this –”

The wails of the frightened girl cut off whatever was attached to that sentence, to which everyone chuckled nervously. Scanning your eyes across the room, you sighed, approaching the sobbing mess that was your club president with a raised hand.

“Chief, I can take your place if you –”

“Really, [Name]-san?! Wow, you’re such a kind person [Name]-san!”

You couldn’t say a word as she practically shoved the camera into your hands. “Here’s the list of shots we’ll probably need,” amended the vice president. “But don’t limit yourself to these either.”

With a pat on the bat and an apologetic nod, the rest of the club began to settle down as the advisor came in for progress reports.

__

The next afternoon, you entered the gym a little after the start of club activities, in hopes to arrive with the team already in motion. However, as you attempted to sneak inside, you nearly jumped out of your skin when the volleyball club greeted you at the top of their lungs.

You quickly regained your composure and returned the gesture; extending your thanks to both Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei.

There was an awkward pause, as the volleyball club was unsure how to proceed – a pause that was broken by the loud shriek of the doors opening, and a familiar tangerine/blackberry pair came running in.

“[Name]-chan!? What are you doing here?”

You chuckled, raising the camera in your hands to eye level.

“I’m your paparazzi, Shoyo,” you crooned, the orange haired boy practically glittering in excitement. With that, the atmosphere shifted to a friendlier one, as you began to exchange small talk with the third years, who failed to conceal their excitement. You were talking to Shimizu when the captain sheepishly approached.

“So [Last Name]-san, what should we do?”

You gave them a wide grin. “Do what you’re best at, Sawamura-senpai* and leave the rest to me!”

As the team began their practice, they were practically glowing with confidence. Their jittery energy soon dissipated as they were back in the rhythm, each breath in sync as they barreled through their drills.

Each of them beheld their talents, and it was a struggle focus on taking good shots when all you wanted was to gawk at them.

The wind was knocked out of you as you scrambled for good angles every time they presented their specialties: the third years’ synchronized attack, Nishinoya’s impossible receives (the Rolling Thunder apparently a crowd favorite), Tsukishima’s blocks, Yamaguchi’s serves – it was difficult to keep track, and even more challenging to try and get good shots at the first try.

But what really blew you away was the infamous Freak Quick.

The first time you saw it, your mind took a moment to register what was happening.

One moment Shoyo was on the ground, the next he was in the sky, and the ball flew across the other side of the court, slamming into the ground with a resounding thwack.

You forgot the camera in your hands as you stared at the duo – your heart bursting with happiness.

Memories of your middleschool days flashed rapidly in front of you, of your Shoyo staring up at the sky, his leaps and bounds taking him high up, but not high enough.

Now here he was, jet black wings unfurled as Kageyama and the entire Karasuno Volleyball Club became both his flock, and the wind underneath him – soaring into greater heights.

“[Name]-san, are you okay?!”

Shimizu’s voice pulled you back to reality, where your hands were gripping the school-issued camera, tears softly rolling down your cheeks, yet a proud smile on your face.

“Never been better, Shimizu-senpai.”

__

That evening you faced your laptop screen, picking through the photos to send to the club when you landed on a particular series of photos that made your heart skip a beat.

It was six photos of your (insufferable) crush, six frames of him talking to Nishinoya before turning around and flashing the camera a smile.

It was supposed to be another candid shot of camaraderie, but the way he felt eyes on him and instantly found yours – or in this case the camera’s – eyes, sent a wave of heat to your face.

You quickly saved the photos, planning to compound them as a GIF. As you kept scrolling through the photos you took that afternoon, the blush made its way from your cheeks to your ears, when you realized that there were more than enough photos of your Shoyo in the camera roll to fill both your room and the living room.

You wouldn’t build a shrine for the oblivious idiot, but you did spend a little too much time setting aside photos of him for you to keep.


	8. of schemes and pretenders

Hinata Shoyo is not an oblivious idiot. Anyone who said so was lying and needs to get their eyes checked.

The statement above is mostly false – especially the first. Substantial evidence collected over five years is proof that Hinata Shoyo indeed,  _ is _ an oblivious idiot.

However, the tangerine in question was not blind nor deaf, and his poor brain could barely register the scene unravelling in front of him.

The team had taken a break in the middle of their drills, and he decided to practice his spiking. The snide remarks and obnoxious laughter from Tsukishima and the upperclassmen were expected. What he didn’t expect was for you to burst into the gym.

He hadn’t known how to put his feelings into coherent thought at the moment yet, but he felt a carnal need to impress you every time you walked into the room. At first, he felt rather funny about it. After all, the two of you went way back, and he knew that whatever he did, it’s probably not as dumb as something he did when you were eleven.

Even still, Hinata couldn’t help but tilt his head a little higher, his back a little straighter, and his spikes more powerful that it needed to – the sounds of the ball hitting the polished floor ringing in his ear. After a particularly strong hit, he wiped the sweat from his brow and turned around.

The smile on his face softly fell, as your name remained inside his throat.

You were with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima – and the three of you seemed to be having a great time. He didn’t mind that the beanpole of a man was smiling, instead, his eyes remained locked at your face, head thrown back carelessly as you let out a laugh, your hand on Yamaguchi’s arm.

There was an ache in his chest that lasted a moment, but left as quickly as it came when your eyes met his, and your smile broke into something soft and reserved. It was then replaced with a flutter in his stomach, and a tremor up his veins.

He turned back around and called out for Kageyama, who had been unaware of his internal struggle. “Hurry up, Hinata- _ boke _ !”

Tsukishima however, had a mischievous smirk on his face, to which Yamaguchi could only sigh. Whatever Tsukki was planning, he was probably going to be dragged into, so he sent up a prayer for the eternal reprieve of his mortal soul.

“Thanks for bringing this out here, [Name], you’re a lifesaver.”

You dismissed Yamaguchi with a wave. “It’s fine, Tadashi-kun. I was coming here anyway.” As you continued to converse with him, you noticed the tense set of Hinata’s shoulders, and the way he his jumps were a little more erratic than usual.

Hinata on the other hand, heard your conversation with Yamaguchi – rather, he heard the way Yamaguchi’s first name fell from your lips with a certain familiarity, a familiarity that was dangerously close to what you reserved for him.

When had you become close with Yamaguchi?

It wasn’t any of his business who you were friends with, he was also friends with the guy and he wasn’t so bad. But the mere idea of you being with Yamaguchi sent a chill of dread through his spine that he had missed the ball entirely.

“Oi, Hinata – focus!”

He snapped back to attention at the voice of Daichi, who had taken notice of his behavior. He called up the others, the signal for the end of their short break.

With that you took your leave, waving at the two boys you were talking to, and trying to catch Hinata’s eye. He had forced himself to not meet yours, and the second your footsteps left the gym, a terrible feeling he couldn’t place filled his gut.

Tsukishima, like the demon that he is, took this as an opportunity to mess with the orange ball. He steered poor Yamaguchi so that the two of them were within earshot, raising his voice slightly, to ensure that their conversation would be heard.

“So will [Last Name]-san be coming over your house later?”

Yamaguchi cocked his head slightly, confused as to why Tsukki was bringing up the topic of conversation mere moments ago.

“Yeah..? I mean, it wouldn’t be long though, we’ll be done in an hour maybe so you can come over as planned,” he replied casually.

“It’s fine,” Tsukishima began, the evil glint in his eye evident as the two of them were practically beside Hinata.

“I’ll give you two some time alone together.”

Adding a wink for good measure, Yamaguchi couldn’t help the heat rise to his face, and threw a good-natured punch at Tsukishima’s arm.

“You know it’s not like that!” He practically shrieked, as the blond’s laughter further flushing his cheeks. Tsukki stopped a few feet away from Hinata, who was frozen in place on the other side of the net.

“Oh, I know that,” he said, his thumb pointed at the said middle blocker’s form. “But he doesn’t.”


	9. visions

Hinata didn’t really know what feelings were – he hadn’t really had the time to look past his dire need to play volleyball to label every other thing that swirled in his chest. But this time, there wasn’t a word that fit the description.

It was the kind of feeling that was unexplainable as to why, but had severe effects on him nonetheless.

It was a shapeshifter that took residence in his body.

For Hinata, it was undoubtedly a monster.

It planted seeds of doubt on his feet, making every step wobbly and out of balance. It used the waters from his eyes to make them blossom, inviting butterflies from the neighborhood gardens inside his stomach, every beat of their wings reverberating in his chest.

What was worse is that the feeling was taking shape of someone, flitting in and out of his dreams like a phantom, who brought him into the garden that the monster created. Hinata both dreaded and craved sleep, for he could not shake how vivid each were.

He would step along the green grass and feel comfort wash over him like a tide, before the monster came into view and grabbed him.

It wasn’t so much as a grab more of a tug, for he later realized that the monster had no claws, nor fangs.

The monster had rough hands that sent shivers down his spine as it tugged him – a pull that he convinced himself he could not get out of.

As he woke, drenched in sweat, and gasping for breath, he told himself over and over again that it was a miracle to escape such a hellish place, to escape the clutches of the beast once more.

_ But _ , a part of him would whisper, as he stared into the mirror, his hair in disarray, and his face flushed. Though he would attempt to block out the voice, he knew it was useless – for who could escape the very sound of your own?

If it were really a monster, why had it been so beautiful?

He shook his head, a futile attempt to get the voice to just stop. His eyes focused, and he found himself in the middle of the court, legs bent as he positioned himself in front of the net. The momentary relief quickly passed, for he saw who was in front of him.

Another feeling clawed itself towards him – but this one he was sure of. If the monster that gripped him each night had any semblance of beauty, this was the complete opposite. It was the embodiment of rage, a collection of red thunderstorms and fiery seas. It bypassed the garden within him and settled on his shoulders, clawing its way towards his throat with fury and resentment.

Hinata knew that the anger was unwarranted – but this emotion he knew, this emotion he could control. He wasn’t guilty enough to pray for the target, but he felt so damn good to take it out on someone.

His name felt wrong on his tongue, a vile taste that he spat out of necessity.

Yamaguchi Tadashi.

Ta- _ da _ -shi.

Each syllable was infuriating – and he put every ounce of his wrath onto his feet, sending him high up past the net. His bitterness towards the pinch server serving as an extra push to his arm. But as much as he wanted to swing, he knew that letting his anger run wild would cost them a vital point in the game.

So he changed his gears, and with an adept flick of his wrist, he sent the ball right down the other side of the court, just enough as the blockers could not do anything about it, but scramble for the ball.

When he came back down to the ground, he couldn’t help but stare at the green haired boy, who was sheepishly scratching he back of his head, apologies spilling out of his mouth like a broken faucet.

The look he sent Yamaguchi was scathing – Hinata’s eyes devoid of all emotion except contempt, his eyes momentarily flashing red.

The former could only swallow his fear, for he knew what was truly going on. On the contrary, as Hinata sparred with his own conflicting emotions, everyone else seemed to know both the cause and the cure – a fact that he either ignored, or was completely oblivious to.

Coach Ukai interrupted the stare-down with a shrill whistle, to which Yamaguchi was eternally grateful for. In truth, he did expect animosity from Hinata to some degree, but not like this. He felt as though he was the one that had murdered the Tiny Giant in cold blood – and that the tangerine was out for vengeance.

“Tsukki…”

He wobbled towards his so-called ‘friend’, who took notice of both Hinata’s behavior and Yamaguchi’s distress. Tsukishima chuckled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he tossed his water bottle to Tadashi. He offered no sympathy, even as the latter practically wailed on his shoulder.

Tsukishima knew he was pushing his luck, and that Hinata was bound to break any moment. Of course, it wasn’t a calculated risk so much as an experiment. Nobody was going to solve Hinata’s feelings for him, and he was tired of [Name]’s sad eyes following the orange idiot with so much longing.

It was hitting two birds with one stone, at the cost of his childhood friend’s sanity.

He laughed to himself, giving Yamaguchi a pat on the back, and one of his rare smiles. That was all it took for the green-haired boy to sober up and sigh. He trusted Tsukki, that much is true. And he knew he was going to play along, for he shared the same sentiment for both [Name] and Hinata, but at a stronger dose. If Tsukki was merely doing this for entertainment’s sake, Yamaguchi was fed up with the pining. After all, everyone with a working set of eyes could plainly see that their feelings were reciprocated, and run deeper than merely physical attraction.

“They’re basically soulmates!” He remembered screaming, that afternoon when [Name] had just dropped off the rest of the project for him to finish. The tall blond was on his bed, humoring him with hums of agreement every now and then as he ranted about his disaster of a friend.

So he would endure whatever Hinata would throw at him, he thought with a resigned sigh.

However, it was not just Tsukishima who had kept tabs on Hinata’s unusual behavior. As the typically loud-mouthed, eccentric boy passed by the vice-captain without a word, Sugawara Koushi decided that it was time for an intervention.

“Don’t worry about cleaning up, Daichi,” Sugawara began, a hand on the team captain’s shoulder as they began packing up the gym. “I’ll stay behind with Hinata. We’ll take care of it.”

Daichi raised his eyebrows at him, but shrugged, knowing that whatever shots Sugawara called, it was probably a good one. In a few moments, he had the other members out of the gym – not even trying to haggle with Kageyama as he picked him up by the collar like a mother cat, and dragged him out the door.

“Mind if you hit some of my tosses, Hinata?”

The orange haired boy thought nothing of this practice, for it was often that he would call out Sugawara for a solo practice session in order to be flexible with his spikes. For a few moments, the two of them played in silence, pierced only by the poor volleyballs that were slammed onto the polished floor.

“Have you ever felt so confused before, Sugawara-senpai,” Hinata began, his grip on the volleyball tightening. Suga didn’t expect Hinata to open up to him, at least not quickly. He had anticipated a little bit more of the bright façade that he had tried to procure over the last few weeks. But whatever he was bottling up was something serious, and was threatening to spill over.

“So confused that you feel as though you’re being ripped apart?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m feeling things that I don’t know how to name – and I’m not sure if they’re good or bad. I can’t explain it but as much as I want it to go away, I can’t make myself to let go of it.”

Sugawara mulled over the younger boy’s monologue, trying to put into cautious words advice to help him along the way. It was quite clear why he felt that way, and what he felt, but he didn’t want to spell it out for him in broad daylight. He knew that it was better for Hinata to figure things out. After all, it was a part of growth.

He couldn’t help the smile on his face as Hinata’s gaze met his, and the realization slowly dawn on him.

“Did you bother to think, that you may have wanted it to stay?”

Hinata went silent, and their practice went on for a few more minutes. Suga watched him closely, and though they finished without another word, he took note of the way Hinata’s shoulders eased of tension, and the air around him felt a little less strained.

That night, Hinata lay in bed, arms outstretched as he kept tossing the ball high in the air. He was tired, his body aching for that extra training session he had after club hours with Sugawara. But he couldn’t sleep, not yet. He was still not done analyzing the conversation that took place that afternoon.

Sugawara-senpai’s words hit him harder than he thought it would – because there it was in the open, the confession that he himself had tried to deny.

Though he claimed that it was a monster tormenting his dreams, he nevertheless plunged himself into the world of his subconscious, perhaps even throwing himself into the arms of the beast.

He closed his eyes, and found himself in the same clearing that the nightmare he convinced himself he was having begun, but this time, he looked – truly looked at the scene in front of him.

It wasn’t just any clearing, it was the meadow a little way beyond his grandfather’s backyard, a treasure hidden in the trees. He recognized the lazy sunshine peeking through the foliage, and the feel of the grass underneath his feet.

And he recognized the beast, who now took shape.

“Shoyo!”

The beast now called his name, but as he turned around, he felt his heart swell in his chest.

His dreams weren’t haunted by a dark creature. His chest didn’t have a hole where the being carved itself a home.

No, it was all a lie. A lie he tried to make himself believe, for he was afraid to even acknowledge the truth.

There was no monster, there was no pain.

It was just you, his beautiful [Name]-chan, clad in the same white shirt and faded shorts – and the same breathtaking smile that had captured his heart.

Hinata Shoyo was in love – that much he knows. He was – and had been – in love for a long, long while, and he was a  **fool** to not realize it sooner.

As he stared at your smiling form in his dream, and the same outstretched hand that beckoned him all those years ago, he felt the weight of his confusion and misery lift off his shoulders, as he took a step forward and intertwined his fingers in yours.

“I’m sorry.”

His voice seemed to echo throughout the entire dreamscape, and Hinata wondered whether he said it out loud in his sleep.

You cocked your head to side, confusion written all over your face.

“For what?”

He smiled, pulling your form into an embrace, ignoring the tears streaming down his face that would later train his pillows.

For not realizing sooner.


	10. end of the dance

It was one of those nights again.

It was one of those nights where your room felt smaller than usual, the air thick and suffocating. It sent tremors through your body, forcing your eyes to snap open. The sensation was unpleasant, but unsurprising. You had gotten used to this, but had been occurring a little too often lately, that the view on the roof started to feel repetitive.

You didn’t think much about sneaking out. By this point, your parents had known that some nights you just didn’t want to stay in the house, after a huge argument a few years ago about it.

You were probably eleven at the time, and had finally had enough of the stifling atmosphere inside the house. This was the breaking point, and you had finally gathered enough courage to climb out the balcony and run into the night.

Mind you, it was a bad decision, seeing that you were eleven and already full of rebellious energy – alone and defenseless into the night. When your parents discovered that your room was empty, a panic descended onto the home, which nearly involved the police.

Nearly, as Hinata was the one that walked you back home, the two of you clinging onto each other for dear life, as a gang of stray dogs chased the two of you for two blocks beforehand. You had fallen down, and the adrenaline pounding in your head didn’t let you feel the pain.

Now, in the middle of the living room, tears falling down your cheeks and your knee welling up with blood, you wailed, incoherent apologies tumbling out of your mouth as your grip on Shoyo tightened. Your parents were worried sick, but the sight of you safe and sound was enough to calm their nerves for the time being.

As the two of you settled down, it was already a quarter to two in the morning, and your mother was worried that Shoyo’s parents would suffer the same worried fate as they did. But, upon seeing you curled up in each other’s arms, your hands still intertwined, she couldn’t help but let go of the anger in her heart. She merely called up the tangerine boy’s parents and alerted them of the situation.

To her surprise, it seemed that the events were the same, but they already knew where their boy would be.

She couldn’t help but sigh as she covered the two of you with a blanket, pausing only to ruffle his unruly orange hair.

The next day, you explained the situation to them, accompanied by a string of steady apologies. But this time, you were unafraid, for Shoyo had somehow found you, and had stayed, even though the sight of your father froze him in fear.

You settled back to the present, nearly seventeen, clad in a pair of blue pajamas with Beyblade patterns and an oversized pale orange hoodie.

Stopping at the vending machine, you took notice of your appearance, letting out a soft chuckle. After all, the hoodie brought you back a year, the scent of lemon detergent filling your nose.

It had been a bad day – no, you could curse now. It had been a shitty day.

The words still felt foreign, but you were getting the hang of all this ‘senpai’ stuff.

It was already bad that the teachers had high expectations of your class for dominating most of the top spots, now, you had felt the pressure from your peers as well. Every one of you had dreams – even your obnoxious best friend had plans of becoming a pro volleyball player, to reach heights that even his idol couldn’t.

You knew it all too well, and that threw you into a loop. Being one of the top students academically, you felt as though you needed to have a dream like them as well. You hadn’t thought much of it before, seeing as grades didn’t really matter to you as much. But now, the weight of it all descended upon you, and your mind screamed for you to run.

With that, you did.

In the middle of the lecture, you excused yourself. The moment your shut the sliding door behind you, your legs took over and led you far, far away, as though you could outrun the phantoms that followed your every step.

You hadn’t bothered to swap your inside shoes, and you had realized that when you arrived at the docks, your hands on your knees as you tried to catch your breath.

Taking in the scent of the sea, you let the melody of the waves crashing against the rocks below distract you – even just for a little bit.

But as you thought you found peace; the sound of the water turned into the very whispers you were running away from. They slithered from the dark corners of the earth and enveloped you, hissing hurtful words and calling taunting names in your ear. Your hands pressed against your ears as you curled inward, your lips repeating a silent prayer.

“Make it stop. Please.”

You squeezed your eyes tight, feeling the blow of the dark shadows growing stronger and stronger. Help me.

“[Name]?!”

The sound pierced through the encasement of darkness around you, your head whipping to the direction of the voice.

As the sun descended over the horizon, you saw him approach – bright orange hair fanning around his head like the sun’s rays, his face ever etched with the ghost of a smile.

Within moments, the sunshine boy had you in his arms, and you couldn’t help the tears spill out. It felt stupid, skipping class, running away, and coming to the dock, only to break down in front of Shoyo. You wanted to pull away, and to take off and run, but he just held you tighter, as if he was hugging the dark figures out of you.

And it worked. For a long time, Shoyo just held you, grounded you. Listened to your woes, with his hands around you. He never spoke, but his presence was more than enough to calm you down.

You chuckled at the memory, fishing the extra bitter coffee from the vending machine. Every important memory you had with Shoyo always ended up with your tear-stricken face clutching him tight, an anchor in the stormy sea.

Making your way to the park, you settled on sitting on one of the swings, cracking open the can of caffeine and taking a deep chug, letting the bitterness wash over you.

“Kinda pathetic, [Name],” you mumbled, taking another sip. “Always relying on Shoyo to save your crybaby ass.”

You subconsciously began to kick your feet into the soft earth, the swing slowly moving back and forth as you made conversation with the hopeful part of yourself. You noticed Shoyo’s distance lately, and it wasn’t the same kind of distance like the last time, where it could be chalked up to busy schedules and oblivious friends.

This distance felt deliberate, as though he had already wedge something in between the two of you without your knowledge.

Better get used to is, you mused. “It’s not like I can depend on Shoyo forever.”

The very thought sent your heart into overdrive, the pain reverberating through your chest. Speaking them into the open air was dangerous, not because you were the only one, but because it made it real.

You now felt the loneliness, something that you long had forgotten, due to your sunshine boy almost not leaving your side. Even when you were alone, there was always traces of him hanging around. From the old friendship bracelet you made for him when you were toddlers, to the scent of lemon hand cream you carried along, remembering the time he used it for his sandwich and suffered an upset stomach later on.

You buried your face in your hands, a shaky sigh escaping your lips. You couldn’t even bear to cry, for crying always called for him, a distress beacon amidst the storm.

As you sulked in your spot on the swing, you didn’t notice the sound of rubber against concrete, the squeal of brakes and the sound of metal clanging on to the ground.

“[Name]!”

In the moments where you were trying to convince yourself you’d be fine without him, there he was again.

“[Name]!”

You weren’t sure if he was a specter – a figment of your imagination that felt so real because of the ache in your chest. He was in front of you, mouth slightly open as he tried to catch his breath, your feet having a mind of their own as they stood and walked toward him.

“Shoyo.”

With a voice no louder than a whisper, you placed your hand on his cheek, surprised to find that it was warm and solid, albeit a little damp. You chalked it up to sweat, but water dripped down to your hand, and you realized that your sunshine boy was crying, mouth quivering as his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in an effort to hold it in.

“Shoyo? What are you doing here?”

He enveloped you in a hug, but this time, it felt as though he was clinging to you. As though he had needed strength and found that in you, the same way you had found yours in him. He buried his face into the crook of your neck, little whimpers escaping now and then.

This feels so right, you thought, holding him tighter. Please don’t let this be a dream.

You didn’t notice that you said the last sentence out loud until he pulled away and let out a small laugh. “It’s not, [Name]. This is very real.”

His face was a few inches away from yours, and it wouldn’t take much to close the gaps between your lips and his – the way your heart longed for.

“I love you, [Name].”

You froze, your eyes snapping back to his. This was a statement that had left his mouth before – the wo of you had been telling each other of your love, but not like this.

Not with his lips a breath from yours. Not with eyes looking straight into yours, as though reading through every single secret you hid and every lie you told. Not like this, when his hand on your waist send shivers through your body, holding onto you as though you might disappear.

He never told you he loved you like the way you loved him.

“I know I should’ve realized it sooner, but I was afraid that I would lose you. I was already afraid that I was losing you to Yamaguchi – which is fine, obviously.” His voice had a quiver to it, one that wouldn’t be evident if you weren’t so observant about him. You didn’t even register what he was saying, as your eyes had gone hazy with the realization that  _ this isn’t a dream. _

“But I just…” his voice broke off, taking on a tone of resignation, as though already admitting to defeat.

“If there was even the slightest chance of you loving me back, I had to take it. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t.”

The confession broke the chains that you’ve kept up in your heart. The very walls you put up to ensure that your feelings would remain platonic as to not cause anymore pain. The dam was broken, and dear god why didn’t you do this sooner.

With a hand on his chin, you tilted his head for him too look back at you. With a smile, you let go of every inhibition that held you back from telling him sooner.

“I love you too, Shoyo.”

A smile broke through his face, a new kind of smile that told you this was only for you. It was a mirror of the tenderness that you held for him in your heart, the harmony to the song played by your heartstrings.

“Can I kiss you now?”

“You fool, I thought you’d never ask.”

As the distance between two lips was broken, two hearts finally made their way back home.

It took a long time to get there – all the while looking like fools trying to escape the truths they couldn’t bear.

To the outside eye, the dance between the two could be in good fun, for there is no greater entertainment than to watch a fool fall in love.

But there is no greater joy, on this earth, or in the next, than to be that very love-stricken fool.


End file.
